Cookie Stealing Wife
by jaybullette7
Summary: *Babies and Pregnant Ladies Verse* After Rachel gets thrown out of her home, she finds herself at the Lopez-Pierce household. Faberry/Brittana. AU.


Brittany smirks down at Santana, feeling her chest swell with pride as Santana gasps to catch her breath.

"Jesus, B. What was that for?" Santana murmurs, feeling light as a feather underneath Brittany. She can still feel her thighs twitching in aftershocks.

"Just cuz I love you." Brittany smiles, placing a lingering kiss on Santana's lips before moving to lay next to her.

Santana immediately shifts to her side, sighing in contentment when Brittany presses her front to her back, eliminating all space between them. Brittany throws her arm gently over Santana's waist, hand placed protectively over the tiniest baby bump. She grins when Santana places her hand atop hers.

"I can't wait till we have our baby, San." Brittany whispers excitedly.

Santana laughs affectionately. "Me either. Even though it is kind of scary." She admits quietly.

Brittany squeezes her tighter. "You don't have to be scared hun. We're doing this together, every step of the way." She assures her wife.

"I really love you, Brittany. I can't wait to have your babies." Santana says, craning her head back to steal a quick kiss.

"Babies? As in more than one?" Brittany whispers in awe.

Santana grins at the wistful tone of her voice. "Of course, B. We don't want him to get lonely." She says matter of factly.

"Him, huh?" Brittany smiles widely, positively giddy at Santana talking about their future so surely. Even after all this, it still amazes her how much the couple has grown.

Santana shrugs. "Just got a feeling."

Brittany's reply is cut off by the doorbell. She frowns and peers over at their bedside clock.

"Who the hell is that? It's damn near midnight." Santana says.

Brittany swats her hip, as she gets up from the bed. "Language!" She chastises. "The baby's ears are developing at 3 months, San."

Santana rolls her eyes affectionately. "Yes, Brittany."

Brittany grins in satisfaction as she pulls on her Adventure Time pajama pants and a black tank top. "B.R.B." She says, blowing Santana a kiss as she walks downstairs.

The person on the other side of the door has now taken to knocking obnoxiously loud without pause.

"Alright, alright, I'm comin', geez." Brittany shouts towards the door, flipping on the porch light.

She unlocks the door and frowns in confusion. "Rachel? Did you forget where you live again?"

Rachel rolls her eyes. "No, Britt, I didn't." She huffs, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Okay." Brittany says slowly. "Why are you on my porch?"

Rachel looks down. "Quinn kicked me out." She whines miserably.

Brittany blinks. "I'm sorry, my ears must still be ringing from multiple orgasms. Could you repeat that please?"

Rachel's face morphs into one of disgust before she pouts. "She kicked me out of our house!"

"So let me just double check here. I know I'm not the sharpest crayon in the tool box but it sounded like you said your wife, who is filled with six months of baby, kicked you out of your house?" Brittany questions, just to be sure.

Rachel nods her head in agreement.

Brittany snorts so loud and suddenly, she even startles herself. Rachel crosses her arms across her chest and glares. "It's not funny. I think she's going to leave me." She says as her lower lip trembles.

Brittany sobers instantly. She steps aside quickly and ushers her into the her house. "Okay tell me what happened." She says seriously, pushing Rachel into the living room.

"Britt! Who's at the door?" She hears from upstairs.

Brittany lifts a finger, effectively silencing Rachel before she can even get started. "Hold that thought, let me check in with my own pregnant wife."

Rachel just nods and throws her arm over her eyes as she leans back into their couch.

Brittany takes the stair two at a time, an easy task with legs as long as hers, making it to her bedroom in no time.

"Who was it, B?" Santana questions sleepily, already caccooned in their sheets and half asleep.

"It's Rachel. She's gunna be staying in our guest room for a little while." Brittany answers softly, leaning over Santana's side of the bed. She tucks the blanket around her wife securely, placing a fleeting kiss to her forehead.

"Oh no. Hobbit's 'kay?" Santana murmurs.

Brittany swallows her laughter. "Yeah hun, she's gunna be fine. Get some sleep yeah?"

"Love you." Santana says, puckering her lips.

Brittany aquiesces and presses their lips together. "I love you too." She waits until she's sure Santana is asleep before turning off the light and heading back downstairs.

"Alright, Rach. You want something to drink?" Brittany asks as she stands in front of one of her bestfriends.

Rachel lifts her arm from over her face and blinks open an eye. "Do you have Scotch?"

"Duh. What else would I have?" Brittany laughs, heading into her home office and grabbing the bottle of Scotch and two shot glasses. She walks back into the living room and sits next down next to Rachel on the couch, leaning forward to pour the liquor into the shot glasses. She hands Rachel hers, grabbing her own when the brunette takes it. "Bottoms up." She says, downing the liquid switfly and barely wincing at the burn, unlike Rachel who coughs a few times after its down.

"I don't understand how you can just down it like that." Rachel comments as Brittany refills their glasses.

"Years of practice. I can out drink Santana and Puck. That's a feat in itself." Brittany laughs.

Rachel giggles as well, feeling the alcohol already taking effect.

"Alright tell me what happened before you get to drunk to function." Brittany smiles.

Rachel flops back dramatically and Brittany resists rolling her eyes because some things just don't change.

"If I'm being completely honest, I'm not even sure what set her off." She starts, eyes glazing over as she loses herself in thought.

_"Rachel!" _

_"Yeah babe?" Rachel calls back from the living room. _

_"Come here now!"_

_Rachel frowns at the tone. It gives her brief flashbacks of her wife's HBIC days. She rises from her position on their sectional couch and moves slowly into the kitchen. Her steps get more hesitant as she hears the clanking of pans and silverware. _

_"Quinn? What's wrong?" Rachel asks tentatively as she rounds the corner to her wife and takes in the dissarray of their usually immaculate kitchen._

_Quinn rounds on her, as quick as a 6 months pregnant woman can, and Rachel forces herself not to take a step back at the manic look in Quinn's eyes. _

_"Where are my cookies?" Quinn demands_

_Rachel's eyes widen and she reaches out her hands in a placating mannor. "What cookies, Quinn?" She asks hesitantly, praying to every deity she can think of that she comes out of this unscathed._

"You ate the cookies didn't you?" Brittany asks sympathetically.

Rachel nods miserably. "I didn't even know she was saving them! The last time she looked at those cookies she almost puked. I thought I was doing her a favor." She defends, slamming back another shot.

Brittany nods sagely. "I totally get where you're comin' from."

"Anyways, let me finish." Rachel swallows, clearing the burn from her throat.

_"What do you mean 'What cookies?' The ones that were in the cabinet, Rachel!" Quinn snaps, pointing to the offending cabinet. _

_Rachel swallows thickly. She tries in vain to wipe the guilty expression she's sure is marring her face but after years of being together Quinn still catches it._

_"You ate them?" Quinn asks, tears already stinging her eyes._

_Rachel's jaw flaps as she tries to come up with a response. _

_Quinn wipes at her eyes as her lower lip continues to tremble. "I can't believe this! After everything we've been through." She mutters._

_"Quinn, I'm s-sorry! I d-didn't know!" Rachel stammers, as she steps foward to wrap her wife in an embrace._

_Quinn takes a step back., just out of Rachel's reach. "No!" She shouts, making Rachel flinch, "You ate my cookies!" _

_Rachel worries her bottom lip between her teeth as she watches Quinn grow angrier and she curses herself for ever even buying the cookies in the first place. _

_"I want you out of my house! Y-you betrayed me!" Quinn screeches._

_"Q-Quinn, you can't be serious." Rachel stutters._

_"Oh now you're calling me stupid! Well you're face is stupid!" Quinn retorts, pointing a finger at Rachel as she takes a few menacing steps forward. "I want you out of here, you cookie eating traitor!" She growls._

_Rachel eyes widen and she raises her hands in defense. "O-Okay Quinn, just relax. You're going to stress out the baby." She reminds her wife gently, regretting it when Quinn's eyes flash dangerously._

_"Are you questioning my decisions in regards to our child?" Quinn asks lowly, eyes narrowing. _

_Rachel inwardly cheers at the 'our child' part but swallows nervously at the way Quinn stares at her. "Of course not baby. I just don't want you to get sick, especially over cookies._

_Quinn loses steam half way through Rachel's response but flares up again at the mention of her beloved cookies. "Get out!" She demands. "Out, out, out, out, out!" She repeats, ushering Rachel out of the kitchen and to the door. _

_"Quinn, you can't, you can't do this! It's the middle of the night! Quinn!" Rachel shrieks at being pushed out of her house. She slams her fist against the front door as it closes firmly behind her. "Quinn Berry-Fabray, you open this damn door!" She shouts. _

_"No." Is the petulant reply and Rachel can just picture the pout on the blonde's face as she crosses her arms._

_"Quinn, open the door!" She tries yet again, jiggling the doorknob._

_"You ate my cookies. What kind of wife eats her pregnant wife's cookies?"_

_Rachel sighs in defeat. "At least give me my car keys."_

_She hears shuffling behind the door and she thinks Quinn will let her back in but those thoughts are quickly vanished when the mail box lid opens and her keys and phone are unceremoniously pushed through._

"And then I drove here." Rachel finishes, throwing back another shot.

Brittany giggles quietly and Rachel shoots her a glare. "I can't believe she actually threw you out. I mean, San's weird cravings seem so minor compared to Quinn."

Rachel shakes her head slowly. "Oh you just wait. That six month mark will just sneak up on you and then, then you'll wonder when the woman you loved turned into a cookie obssessed monster." She says mysteriously, eyes fixated on the coffee table in front of them.

Brittany laughs the tiniest bit louder and bites down on her knuckles to muffle herself. "Rachel, you're drunk." She realizes.

Rachel huffs a laugh, lifting up her shot glass and peering into it as if it would give her an answer. "I really am." She agrees.

"Come on." Brittany heaves herself off the couch after her laughing fit ceases and offers a hand to Rachel. "I'll set you up in the guest bedroom."

Rachel nods drunkenly, leaning all her weight on Brittany. "I-It was just cooookies." She slurs, slumping against her blonde friend as Brittany practically drags her up the stairs.

"I know, I know." Brittany responds, opening the door to the guest room and flopping Rachel down on the bed.

"G'night Brittany. Your s-sooo awesome." Rachel mumbles into the pillow as Brittany tucks the blanket around her.

"Goodnight Rachel." Brittany laughs, closing the door on the way out.

She sighs as she climbs back into her own bed, releshing in Santana's warmth as she cuddles in close to her wife's back.

"'Kay? B?" Santana mumbles groggily, not bothering to form proper sentences.

Brittany laughs and snuggles in closer, resting her face in between Santana's shoulder blades. "Yes. I'm perfectly fine."


End file.
